Fall is here...

and I've actually had to turn the heat on in the morning so my babies don't freeze their little tootsies when they wake up and start terrorizing my house and eachother. It's so crazy how quickly the weather and the mood around here has changed. It seems like just last week, oh wait it was last week, the thermometer was reading in the 80s+ and this week it's barely getting to 70, or at least it feels that way. All I know is that this is the first week since about April that I've left the AC off because we didn't need it on anymore.

Anyways, this last month I have really been taking a look at myself and I've found several areas that I would like to improve on, so I've been going about doing research and finding ways of getting where I want to be. When Jeff and I got married, I think I was in the best shape of my life, I'd spent the entire summer before hand doing alot to keep myself in shape and looking good. Even when I went to BYU-I for a semester, I was going to the gym about 3 days a week, so I felt really good about myself and was happy with how I looked and felt. Now after having had 2 kids, I'm ashamed of how far I let myself go. I gained the recommended amount both times, but my falling back was not keeping active before and after I had Jackson. I have a million excuses as to why, but it all comes down to lazyness and I was probably a little depressed. I didn't get post partum depression, but where we were living wasn't condusive to a happy state of mind for me. We were sharing a house with Jeff's brother and family and we were living in the basement where there was little natural lighting(which I tend to be depressed without) so it felt more like a cave than a home. I wasn't working and we didn't really live in town, so we didn't have many neighbors. There was a park about a mile away, but I didn't feel like walking through all the construction that was going on(they were putting in some new developments) and up the hill on the way home. I think I took that walk maybe 2 times and I felt like it wasn't worth the effort. Again, excueses. While I was pregnant with Owen, I didn't have the luxury of having all the time in the world to waste on the computer and in front of the boob tube like I did with Jackson, because I had a very active 18 month old. I think having Jackson around was the only reason I didn't gain 50lbs with Owen, but as I've heard it usually goes, losing weight now seems much harder than it was 2 years ago. With Jackson, it felt like the weight melted off and by the time he was about 8 months old, I'd lost almost all the weight, without doing anything but breastfeeding. Of course, as soon as I stopped, I gained about 15-20 of it back and didn't lose it again before Owen decided to come along. Now 7 months after having Owen, I rarely step on the scale, but when I do the numbers are always the same, telling me the only weight I've lost was the weight that came off in the month after he was born, mostly water and blood and only about half the weight I gained. It's depressing, but at least this time I am living in town and have plently of natural light to keep me happy, but even so I don't feel good about myself. I look at other moms who have had babies within the last year and envy them for their ability to get so slim so fast. I've never had a problem with my weight before and even now I know I'm not huge, but not being able to fit in my jeans and having a constant muffin top because of it makes me feel worse. Not having the money to buy clothes that fit just piles more onto the already heaping pile of guilt and self pity. You'd think that chasing after a 2 year old and hauling around a 20lb 7 month old everywhere would be enough, but apearantly not, so I've made a resolution to myself that by the time I am ready to become pregnant again, I want to be happy with the way I look and the way I feel. I love working out and I always have, but I'm not one to go at it alone so I haven't done it for the last 3 1/2 years. I know, I'm a slacker. If I've got a DVD, I'm ok and can handle the alone part because it doesn't really feel like I'm alone, though the DVD's I own have just been gathering dust since I bought them. I am changing that habit right now. I don't have many friends here and I don't have the money to go to a gym or pay for a sitter, so I've decided that I'm going to work out here at home. I've been doing yoga every morning for the last week and a half and already I'm feeling quite a bit better about myself. Now, I'm also not one to get up at the buttcrack of dawn to do my working out or waiting until the boys are in bed either, I much prefer the light of day(window shades tightly closed) and to sleep as late as the boys will let me, so I get breakfast done and get the boys dressed and spend an hour(usually more because I have boys who like mommy's full attention) with my yoga DVD. It gets my whole body warmed up and stretched out and I feel like I can tackle the day without the need for full football pads. I want to get in more than just yoga, so I've been looking for either a cheap DVD(or DVD series) that has workouts for the seperate areas(upper body, lower body, abs, ect.) or online workouts that I can do while the boys are napping. I've discussed this with Jeff, but so far he hasn't been as enthusiastic as I am and hasn't ok'ed either one yet. I've been sneaking in the online ones though because I feel the need to do something, but he told me that if I did that too much it would put us over out internet usage limit. It's so frustrating because he doesn't understand why I feel like I need to do this. He thinks I'm more worried about how other people veiw me, and that is part of it, but most of it is that I don't feel pretty anymore. He doesn't notice me and look at me the way he did even just 2 years ago. I'll get all dressed up and do my hair and makeup and he won't even notice. I can't tell you how many times I've cried myself to sleep or just prayed that he would. He's come home from work a couple times and mentioned when someone he works with was looking really nice. Even his sisters will get compliments on a new shirt or hairstyle, so why can't I get the same reaction? I've talked to him about it and he says it's not enough of a difference for him to notice, even though I'll spend hours(that I really don't have) in the bathroom trying to look perfect. I've contemplated giving up, but I feel like that would mean giving up on caring about anything and I'm not going to do that. I don't want to be that mommy that just doesn't care anymore. I want to look nice and I want my husband to notice it. If any of you have any tips, please pass them on. I want to take a before picture so I can see how much I've changed by the time I'm done, but I'm afraid of how I look. We don't have a full length mirror, so I only ever see the top half in the mirror and when I look down I can sorta see how the bottom half looks and I'm afraid of seeing the whole veiw. Also, I don't savor the idea of asking Jeff to help me take the picture for fear of him teasing my sillyness. I know I said I want to lose the weight by the time I'm ready for baby #3, but what I really want is to be able to fit into the swimsuit I bought last summer and only wore once because I planned on losing more weight but got pregnant instead. Funny how that tends to happen. Anyways, for those of you who actually read my ranting to the end, I thank you. Since I don't have many friends here and the friends I do have are either single or live too far away, it's nice to know there is someone out there who will listen. Wish me luck on my journey and feel free to send me any tips or advice you have. Until next time...

Happy 23rd to Me!

I'm getting to this a bit late, but the 18th was my birthday and I thought I'd get on here and let you all know! Yeah yeah, big deal, it's just another birthday, but I love birthdays and I always have. We didn't do much but what we did do was have some fun. We usually just go out for dinner or go to a movie when birthdays and anniversaries come up, but I'm getting a little tired of the same old routine, so I asked if we could go bowling this year instead. I am sure glad I did. My sister-in-law (whose name is also Melissa, though she goes by Missy) shares my birthday with me, so I invited her and her husband to come along with us. I really wanted to take the camera so we could have some pictures of me making a fool of myself and asked Jeff to grab it for me. He put it in the diaper bag and when we dropped the boys off at grandma's house, it never got taken out of said diaper bag, so unfortunatly, once again, I have no pictures to share with you. I know, I'm sad too.

As for a family update, Jeff has now finally started school up again and already has an appointment to take his nursing entrance exam in November(yay!). I'm am so proud of him and all that he does for us so that we can have a better life. He is a wonderful man and I thank the Lord for him everyday. Jackson is as 2 as ever, but he is definaly improving. Owen is now 6 months old and as fat and jolly as ever, although ever since Labor Day he's been acting a little attention deprived. I think he was a little too spoiled by nanny and his aunts and uncle. So far he's not really interested in any baby food but will happily chew on a Ritz cracker or some mashed potatoes. He's now got 2 pretty white teeth and his top teeth are about to come through any day now. As for me, I'm looking for any babysitting jobs I can get in hopes of helping out a bit once Jeff gets into the nursing program. Money will be tight, so any little extra bit we can get right now helps. Anyways, Owen is feeling neglected, so I better get off here and give him some love. Till next time.

My life really is average

Thanks to one of my friends, I recently stumbled upon a website that has totally and completely made my week better. It's mylifeisaverage.com and if you are in need of a good laugh or just a chuckle, I highly recommend it, but I must warn you to have an open mind and try to remember that little kid you once were. I hope it makes your day better too.

Anyways, this last weekend was, of course, Labor Day weekend and we went to Montana for the Annual Maughan Family Labor Day Weekend Campout. What fun what fun! Last year we were unfortunatly rained out and miserable for the entire 4 days we were there but this year was a complete 180. The weather was in the 90's and was very warm, perfect for playing on the water, which we did for a few hours on Saturday night. I wish we'd been able to spend all day on the water so I could get a good burn, but that didn't happen. I can't remember exactly why. I was ready to go on Friday, but we needed to scout out good campgrounds and we had to go shoe shopping for Jeff. That man and his shoes.

So on Saturday, like I said, we were only able to spend a few hours on the water because the sky started to look a little ominous, so we had to go back to camp. Thankfully though, I was able to have some good fun and recieved a different burn than I was anticipating. Liz and I were the only ones who got to get on the tubes because of how little time we we on the water, but it was enough that we were both very stiff and sore in church on Sunday. On the way home I had forgotten about my soreness until I got out of our little tiny cramped car to stretch my legs and almost wasn't able to get myself moving. Thankfully today, I think I am finally back to normal, though I still could use a good massage. As much as I love Jeff, his massaging just isn't up to par when he does finally get around to giving me one. In closing, I just want to share some pictures from the weekend and I hope you enjoy them :) Toodles!

Jeff got to be the first one on the jetski

Jacks looking cool in Jen's sunglasses

Me and Liz on the tube. We couldn't fall off.

Owen playing while we set up. He didn't stay on the blanket for long.

Nathan and Owen bonding

Me, Owen, Liz, Gandma Maughan, Jen and Rachael

Mom and Dad aka Nanny and Papa with Jacks man

Jen being weird

Liz fell asleep texting. I guess that was the only place her phone had reception.

These are the days...

Aren't they? Having a 2 year old in the house sure is a trial some days, but other days it's so much fun. Isn't it funny how the good days somehow manage to cancel out the bad days and you always end up loving the little child who had you close to murder by the end of the day. I've found that on the days that I'm having the most difficulty and really wish Jeff would come home for lunch or get home from work on time to relieve me, he never does. By the time he does finally get home, I've usually cooled down and have come to my senses. I still usually need a bit of a break, but I'm not nearly as stressed as I otherwise would have been.
It always seems to help to say a prayer and hide in the kitchen for a while to focus my attention on something else for a while and just let the kids do whatever. Works like a charm. I used to hate cleaning the kitchen, but whenever I'm upset it seems the be the one place that I'm able to work through it and feel better afterwards. These really are the days :)

So Jeff bought a new card for the camera(yay) though he didn't even tell me about it until it came in the mail. He's always doing stuff like that and as much as it drives me nuts sometimes I'm really greatful. This is one of those times. Not only did he get a new one, he got a bigger one. It's twice the size so it hold a lot more pictures. On the downside, I probably won't upate my pictures as often. Anyways, since we got the new card I have taken some pictures that I've been meaning to take, but wasn't able to, so enjoy!

Owen and Jackson wrestling

 

 

Look! A tooth!!

Bathtime Fun: Isn't Owen's face hilarious?

What's wrong with this picture?

Don't you love it when kids learn how to dress themselves?

Lovin the new background :)

So I've been playing around with the background a bit, trying to find one that screams "me" but so far I've been having a hard time. I like the one I have currently, but there are several others that I loved more, but had some cosmetic errors that I couldn't figure out how to fix. So not tech savvy, but I do believe I'm slowly getting there :)

Owen has reached another first this week and this time it's a tooth! Yay! I didn't know he was even that close to getting one until I was feeling his gums on Friday night and found a little bud. It certainly explains why he's been so fussy and drooling so much lately! As soon as I get my camera up and running and you can actually see more tooth than drool, I'll get a picture on here for everyone to ooh and ahh at. He's getting so big, it's hard to believe he's not even 6 months old yet. He is growing so fast we're having a hard time keeping him dressed appropriately for the weather with all the hand-me-downs we have from Jackson. It was winter when Jackson was 6 months old, so many of the clothes are winter wear instead of summer wear. We've run out of PJ's that fit and have resorted to putting Owen in the few 12 month sleepers we have, which surprisingly aren't all that big on him. He's so big! Anyways, it's late and I'm tired, so I'm going to end this and go to bed. Till next time :)

Just to see if this works :)

So I've set up my blog to be able to post topics from my e-mail to see if it would help me to post more. This is the test to see if it will actually work and what I write from my e-mail will indeed become a blog post for me. My life seems to be so boring sometimes and I always forget to look at the big picture. We recently got back from a trip to Montana for a family reunion and we had a blast. Granted, it rained for a good part of the time we were there, but thankfully we were in cabins and had a lodge to hang out in instead of tents.
 
We took our camera with every intention of capturing our entire trip on film, but I think it stayed in the car until Friday night when the family talent show started. Jeff got it out and was taking pictures and filling up the memory card with memories when the card became full. We have 2 cards so he decided to switch out the bigger card for the littler card. I guess he forgot about the 2 year old who likes to chew on things and put the card full of memories on the table in reach of said 2 year old. Goodbye memories. Goodbye little memory card. Goodbye money spent on memory card. Oh well. I guess when you think about it, it could be funny, but I sure wasn't laughing at the time. So, to continue my story, I would love to add a few pictures, but unfortunatly I have none to share.
 
Anyways, after the reunion was over we went to my parents house in Fort Benton and continued to have a blast, but instead of rain, we dealt with wind. I think wind is almost worse than rain. At least with rain you can wear a raincoat or carry an umbrella and be mostly protected, but with wind, there really isn't much you can do to keep your perfectly styled hair from being completely ruined, causing you to look like you just took a ride standing up in a convertable. For this reason, I decided not to do my hair and just ended up looking like I'd just rolled out of bed and threw my hair in a ponytail, which I did indeed do. It's so much better to not try and not be disappointed than to try too hard and be deflated like a balloon with a hole in it. Well, in some cases at least.
 
In closing, I'd like to thank everyone who looks at this. I know I don't post often, but I am going to try to fix that. Hey, I did post 2 times in 2 months, so that's improvement already! Take care and keep the faith.

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Why didn't my mom name me Procrastination?

Once again it has been 6 months since I've last been in here to post. My family is bigger and happier than ever before and we attribute this to the newest member of our family, Owen Michael who always has a smile on his face for anyone willing to give him a couple minutes of attention. Our sweet baby joined our family on March 2nd, much to my displeasure from waiting 4 extra days while the hospital cleared out enough to admit me. He is growing so fast it's hard to believe that he's only 3 1/2 months old. He and his big brother are as different as night and day. Jackson was always so skinny it's surprising that Owen is so chubby and squishy, but so far their personalities are similar. Owen is pretty mellow, but he definatly likes to have an audience and starts squawking if he can't see anyone.

Jackson recently turned 2 and we have our good days as well as our bad days. On a good day, we don't have any problems and he's the most polite and sweet little boy, but on our bad days I'm about ready to rip my hair out by noon. Most days are a good mix of the good and bad and he's usually pretty polite and remembers to say please, thank you and excuse me on his own, but he has quite a hard time listening to mommy. Then again he is 2 and he's testing his boundries to the limits at every chance he can. Thankfully he loves his little brother and is always trying to help me out with him. More than once I've had to laugh at how his efforts have turned out, but so far neither of them has been hurt so I don't mind the 'help.'

Last week the boys and I had the opportunity to go to Montana to spend some quality time on the farm with Nanny and Papa. Jeff stayed home and although we missed him a lot, we had a ton of fun. Jackson got to drive the big tractor with Papa and enjoyed driving my younger sister Racheal crazy by running her silly outside. Nanny loved spoiling them both with love and presents and was so happy that Jackson has finally warmed up to her and now loves her almost as much as Grandma Claudia, Jeff's mom. It was really nice to get a vacation and with all the help that I recieved while we were there, I was able to relax and just enjoy everyone's company. We don't see them often enough and though it makes me sad, but it also makes every visit to them that much more special. We can't wait until Labor day to be able to see them all again!